The Darkest Place on Earth

“As I put a portion of it within my lips, there rushed to my mind a half-formed thought of joy – of hope.  Yet what business had I with hope?  It was, as I say, a half-formed thought-man has many such, which are never completed.  I felt also that it had perished in its formation.  In vain I struggled to perfect-to regain it.  Long suffering had nearly annihilated all my oridnary powers of mind.  I was an imbecile-an idiot.”

Edgar Allan Poe – The Pit and the Pendulum

Is this Poe or me?  I was nearly floored at the insight this quote brought.  Poe is classic, but I imagine his grotesque writings are not what most people sit around reading on a sunny Saturday afternoon.  He’s dark and most of my friends turn up their noses when I confess my appreciation for his writing.   They think he was crazy; I think he was graphic and although I am no authority on Poe, I imagine he was well acquainted with the human heart.

Last night, I was listening to a sermon on sola scriptura and my pastor asked the question, “what is the darkest place on earth?”  Without skipping a beat, he supplied the answer to his own question.  “The human heart.”

I’m well acquainted with this idea.  The fact is whether we are talking about the depth of our sin or weight of our sorrow, I know no other place darker than my heart, which brings me to why I took the time to quote Poe. 

One sunny afternoon, whether it was a Saturday I do not recall (smile), I was doing some reading on Poe’s life and came across the above quote.  If I had not known any better, I would have thought that I wrote it.  How many times had I struggled to articulate my emotions at any given moment?  I can barely hold on to a half-thought of joy before I find that it has fizzled; the struggle to live and find fulfillment gone.  Poe says it well, “man has many such, which are never completed.”  These thoughts leave me drained.  Life seems futile and hope appears frail.  In fact, to attempt hope seems foolish.  It means to make a parody of me.  Shall I allow this again?  Dare I feign hope?

And when I consider the weight of my sin…  What business have I with hope?  Who do I think I am?  Well, I was flipping through my on again off again journal/write everything in here book and I must say, I am a bit embarrassed to find that this theme of hope and joy are pretty constant that is, the lack of hope and joy. 

On May 10th I wrote: “It’s so strange.  Life is.  How one moment leaves you zestful and bursting with energy.  Another leaves you more perplexed and confused than ever.  Not to profane God’s creation, but this is a painful existence.  Seriously, I wonder why to keep awake.  It’s often miserable.  My heart, it can’t take much more.  Approaching early evening and a burst of joy excites me.  I’m thinking about hope again.  Should I give it another chance?”

May 11th: “Dare I hope again and be catapulted into mute despair?”

Hope in Christ is the anchor for my dark soul.  Admittedly, I wrestle with feelings of despair and hopelessness, but when I consider the many admonitions in Scripture to Hope in God, I must develop the attitude that David had in Psalm 42 where he speaks to his soul. 

“Why are you cast down, O my soul and why are you in turmoil within me?  Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.” 

When I am tempted to sing a dirge of defeat and my soul will not shake the agony I feel, David reminds me to wait patiently for the Lord; for of himself he says, “He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog and set my foot upon a rock, making my steps secure…” 

I will be the first to acknowledge that my heart is shrewd and knows how to combat ingenuity of spirit.  A barrage of Scripture references to read during these times is not merely a defense, but a way of life.  Paul admonishes believer’s to address one another in psalms and spiritual songs, to sing and make melody to the Lord with your heart (Ephesians 5:19).  He repeats this admonition in Colossians 3:16, “let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs with thankfulness in your hearts to God.”

I don’t believe that this idea of expressing thanks to God in our hearts or with our hearts is an accident.  The Scripture teaches that the Lord “knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust.“  Praise God that he has enabled our hearts to be the place where we battle darkness with hope that is not frail, but that is fueled by the truth of the Scripture put to music or melody.  It’s a funny picture if you consider it.  Battle doesn’t usually make me think of music unless of course we’re talking about Hollywood and our love for symphonic theme music which accompanies the hero who not only annihilates the enemy in bloodthirsty revenge, but has great quotes to boot.  “Are you not entertained?”  Just like the weapons of our warfare, this means of grace is not carnal. 

Melodies or Medicine?

Should I reach for a sleeping aide or jolt my heart in defribillator-like fashion and encourage my darkened soul to find hope in God?  I think the joy of contextualizing the gospel is that we get to see the Lord prove himself over and over again.  Sometimes we get things twisted and think that God is really doing something BIG when we see a once-upon-a-life animistic tribesman in a remote part of the world regenerated.  If this remote part of the world happens to be in Africa – the frequently donned “dark continent” then more hallelujah’s to HIM, right?  Not that that wouldn’t be a reason for praise, but if the heart is prone to failing in duties such as continuing in joy, then I think that God deserves all glory for providing a means such as this to blast the web of darkness away and produce the light of his Son as well.

Thank you Lord for the Son who is the support for our hope the way vibrato provides richness to our song.  Thank you that the gospel demands we evangelize the nations, but never excludes the fact that the evangelist must evangelize himself.  In this pursuit the believer is never ashamed.  He is never made an idiot or imbecile for trusting in Christ, but he shall say, “To you O Lord, I lift up my soul.  O my God, in you I trust; let me not be put to shame; let not my enemies exult over me.  Indeed, none who wait for you shall be put to shame; they shall be ashamed who are wantonly treacherous.”

Psalm 25:1-3